I'm (Not) Broken
by valagator
Summary: "Stop. Stop. Stop." I tell myself every day. Every. Single. Day..." Morro messed up his head. Now he doesn't know what to do. Faith is nonexistent, but somehow, in all this darkness, a speck of light shines through. (Greenflame. Self harm. HAS A HAPPY ENDING I SWEAR)


_A/N: I think I should change my username to 'Depressing Ninjago author' XD. I'm not even close to depressed myself, but I think that's because I write these stories, and get it all out. It helps. ANYWAY, FORGET THIS DEPRESSING SHIT! LET'S MOVE ON TO SOME EVEN MORE DEPRESSING SHIT!_

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 _"Stop. Stop. Stop."_ I tell myself every day. Every. Single. Day. It's like my mind is on autopilot to do this. I walk into the bathroom at midnight, roll up my sleeve, take out my small knife, and cut. I know it's not right. I know it's stupid. But I can't stop.

Today is no different. I tiptoe out of the bedroom I share with my brothers, and do what my mind wants. I don't even think twice about it. My sleeve goes up, I choose a spot, and go at it. It's quite simple, actually. My mind wants the relief.

Being so powerful isn't exactly forgiving. Sometimes, it feels like I've lost more than I've gained. My childhood, my parents... all gone because of this status.

Blood is beading up in the shallow cuts. It's almost like that crimson is all of my problems, just flowing out of me. My angst, my urges, my hatred. Hatred at myself for being so weak. The urges to throw myself in harm's way. The angst of watching the man I love fall for another.

I usually don't cry, I just do the deed, clean up the porcelain sink, and go back to bed. But tonight... tonight I feel tears well up in my eyes. I squeeze them closed. I'm focused on one down. Kai...

I slam my fist into the counter. Why did I have to be born like this? Why did I have to be... a mistake?

I keep my sleeve rolled up, and just stare at what I've done to myself. I almost laugh at how ironic it is. The one who is supposed to be the strongest, is actually the weakest.

I hold my head in my hands, hunched over over the sink. My fingers dig into my knotted hair, and my breathing intensifies. I look up, my green eyes seeming to belong to someone different; someone broken. I'm no better than a broken toy.

I've stayed too long. I silently put my blade under the faucet, scrubbing off any proof, and put it in my pocket. I wipe the blood off of my arm with one of Kai's red towels, and put it into the hamper. I pull my sleeve back down over my shame, and turn to the door. It's open.

"So this is what you've been doing." A soft voice says from behind me. I freeze. A hand appears on my shoulder, spinning me to face the owner of it. Kai. Of course. I refuse to look at him in he eye. I can't face the disappointment that will surely be written all over his face.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" He asks. I stay silent, still looking at the white tiled floor.

"Tell me." He says gently. I stay silent.

"TELL ME GODDAMNIT!" He says forcefully, shaking my shoulders.

"I COULDN'T!" I scream back, my entire body shaking. His grip on me loosens, and I back out of the door, walking down the hallway. I look into our room, and find the others huddled at the wall, eavesdropping. I just keep walking, turning it into a full on sprint. Down the halls, onto the deck, to the railing... over the railing.

The wind feels blissful in my face. I summon my dragon to carry me to the ground. The second I'm down, I run. And I won't come back.

They can't use someone as weak as me. I'm not strong enough.

I run to the mountains, and sit at the base of a cliff. I put my head in my knees, and let it all out.

I hear the pounding of feet on the ground and heavy breathing. Scooting back, I scratch my face on the sharp rocks. I don't want anyone to see me.

"Lloyd! Please, don't do anything stupid!" I hear Kai's exasperated voice plead. I can see his hand ignited in a torch, and him searching for me. His face turns towards me, his golden red eyes narrowing. His face is highlighted in the amber of his flame, and shadowed from the darkness of the night. He walks quickly towards my hiding spot.

"Just leave me." I whisper, hiding my face in my arms. I can feel his presence beside me, his warmth making me feel colder.

"Lloyd... I promised that I would protect you..." He says. I can't look at him. If I do, it'll just hurt me more.

He puts his hand on my shoulder, unintentionally burning me, not with his fire, but with his presence.

"It's not fair... why can't I be normal?" I ask him. I look into those rubies, my depression deepening from the knowledge that he's not like me.

"What do you mean?" Kai asks, sitting down next to me.

"I... I... I can't..." I say. I look away, but his gentle fingers turn my face towards him. He keeps his hand on my cheek.

"You're my best friend. Whatever is wrong, we can get through it together." He says. A light drizzle has started to fall, and thunder rumbles in the distance. He pulls up my sleeve, and looks at my cuts, new and old.

"I guess I have nothing to lose." I say. I might as well just tell him now... and get the rejection over with. I take a deep breath, but...

I let out the breath, and look at his expecting face. I may never get the chance after I tell him so...

I just go for it.

I lean forward quickly, and before he can react, I press my lips to his. He tastes spicy, but also... sweet. His warm, soft lips, molding to mine... lips that aren't rejecting me. I pull back, but he uses his hand to bring my lips back to his. I pull back in confusion.

"You-you didn't reject me..." I say, surprised. Kai just smirks, though his cheeks are rosy.

"How could I ever?" He says, bringing us together once again.

If it's still raining, I can't feel it. He accepts me, even though I'm broken. Maybe he can fix me.

I bring my hand to his soaking hair, my cuts burning, but me not caring. I play with his tangled locks, and nip at his bottom lip. His arms a circle my back, and long fingers find the hair at the nape of my neck.

"Lloyd... am I the reason?" He taps out in morse code on my back as we continue to assault eachother's lips forcefully. But that makes me break off.

"Well... partially." I whisper. I stand up to stretch my legs out, and shake my head to rid it of the water.

"I... I'm so sorry." He says, getting up himself and hugging me.

"N-No... I just... I was just... Overwhelmed. My mind has been pretty messed up since Morro possessed me... he didn't just use my body... He taunted me so I wouldn't want it back." I explain softly, with a round if fresh tears coming to my eyes.

"You should have told us..." He says.

"I didn't think you would care... I guess I'm pretty messed up." I say.

He gently kisses my neck, eliciting an animalistic sound from me that I never knew that I could make.

"Is that your sensitive spot?" He asks, wiggling his eyebrows, getting an embarrassed smile from me.

"I guess..." I say. He pushes me up against the side of the cliff, pinning me, and kissing me more, getting more of those weird moans from me. My hands go to his hips, fingering the elastic on his pants.

A flash of lightning takes us out of our euphoric wonderland.

"We should get back to the bounty..." Kai says. He brushes some sopping white-blonde locks behind my left ear. His face is serious. "And you're talking to Wu the second we get back. You're going to get better, Greenie. And I'll be with you every step." And with that, we walk to the bounty.

Hand in hand, heart to heart.

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Yay! A happy ending! No more of that killing like I did in 'Your Warmth.' That may have been a one-time thing. Anyway, hope you enjoyed!


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